


James Norrington and the No-Wig Policy

by kayliemalinza



Category: Pirates of the Caribbean (Movies), Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-11-09
Updated: 2006-11-09
Packaged: 2017-10-27 09:17:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/294148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayliemalinza/pseuds/kayliemalinza





	James Norrington and the No-Wig Policy

Once aboard the _Pearl_ , Elizabeth stuck to his side like a cockleburr. Norrington would have thought she was sticking close because she was wary of the crew, but he'd never seen Elizabeth wary of anything, except for maybe the matron Mrs. Beasley from Port Royal who would purse her lips and wink whenever she saw the two of them together. Elizabeth couldn't be hanging around because she wanted to help, because Norrington had never seen her do _that_ , either. It could be that she wanted to hinder the loading process purely to be perverse (for which Norrington blamed the influence of Jack Sparrow), or, more admirably, to ensure that no immoral objects were brought on board. If Norrington were inclined to be generous to himself, he could also postulate that Elizabeth was attempting to protect him from harrassment.

It certainly wasn't because she liked the smell of his breath.

In any case she was distracting and underfoot, so Norrington was almost glad when Ragetti handed him the chickens. While Norrington wondered where to put them (goodness knows a pirate ship wouldn't have a proper coop), the squawking and flapping escalated to such a degree that Elizabeth vacated the radius of possible injury, hovering portside near Gibbs.

Perhaps that was why Jack Sparrow chose that moment to swoop into Norrington's personal space. The chickens also chose that moment to settle themselves, and Norrington made a note to concoct some scathing explanation later. Something about birds of a feather or great minds think alike or something.

"Mister Norrington," Sparrow said jovially. "I would like to formally welcome you to my crew." He held out a hand. Norrington ignored it (he _was_ tempted to hand Sparrow a chicken) and waited for the catch. Jack obliged. "I see no-one has yet taken the time to inform you of all the little rules—guidelines, really—what come with sailing on the bonny _Black Pearl_ , but there is, in fact, a very strict no-wig policy of which you are currently in violation."

Norrington gave a very obvious look to the fish-eyed crewmember standing near the wheel, who was wearing something which was just as obviously a wig.

"....unless you've paid the wig fee," amended Jack.

"Indeed," said Norrington. One of the chickens flapped uneasily.

Jack grinned. "Such silly rules and fines have worked out well for the East India Trading Company, so we pirates figure, being likewise hard-working businessmen whose only concern is to eke out some living from this weary world, why not give it a try?"

Norrington resisted the urge to raise his eyes in supplication to God, as the Heavenly Deity was obviously ill inclined towards him. Instead, he heaved a resigned sigh and concentrated on looking sarcastic even though Sparrow kept fuzzing in and out of focus. "And what, precisely," he said dryly, "is the total of this fee?"

Sparrow paused, as if he'd forgotten what they were talking about. "Ah... twelve pieces of gold."

" _Aztec_ gold!" specified Pintel in passing before Norrington could contemplate reaching for his pocket.

"Per week," added Sparrow.

"Jack!" cried Elizabeth. "Honestly—"

"My ship, missy!" shouted Jack without bothering to look around. "Well, former Commodore, am I to assume you have no such coins on your person?" Norrington declined to answer, though the chickens clucked helpfully. "I'm afraid then, as per the _Black Pearl_ 's wig policy, I, as captain, shall have to confiscate said illegal wig. Ta." In a moment he'd snatched the wig away (Norrington smugly noted that a small hop was necessary for Jack to _reach_ the wig) and sauntered aft. "If you should ever come into to such a treasure as the required twelve Aztec coins," Jack called back, "I'll have it safe in my cabin for you."

Elizabeth stalked over, apparently less shy of the chickens now that her dander was up. "What a _scoundrel_ ," she spat, glaring at Jack's back—or possibly his arse. James wondered if he was required to care at this point, and if so, should it be for the sake of jealousy or benevolent protection? A sticky wicket, to be sure; James resolved to research the matter in Castiglione's _The Courtier_ at his earliest convenient opportunity.

For the moment, however, he had chickens to stow.


End file.
